Supporting Your Loved One with ARFID

by Carolyn Comas, LCSW, CEDS-S

There’s an eating disorder that often gets overlooked amongst the better-known eating disorders like Anorexia Nervosa, Bulimia Nervosa, and Binge Eating Disorder. Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder (ARFID) is an eating disorder that can involve difficulty tolerating certain foods due to textures, tastes, or smells. It can also manifest as avoidant behaviors stemming from a trauma around food such as choking or getting sick from eating a particular food. Some people worry about whether they are going to be able to swallow food or they have an aversion to throwing up. ARFID can present as a lack of interest in food altogether.

How ARFID Affects People

This eating disorder can result in very limited food selections which in turn can lead to medical complications such as low weight, failure to gain weight during childhood, developmental delays, malnutrition, and vitamin and mineral deficiencies. Many people who struggle with this disorder share how uncomfortable it is to eat out socially and feel isolated from peers and family. It can be a very frustrating disorder for the individual who has it and certainly can be difficult for the caregiver or loved ones supporting a person struggling with ARFID. Many people who have ARFID do want to eat. Unlike people with anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa, people with ARFID usually do not have fears of weight gain or their body changing.

It can be hard to sit across the table from someone you love and see them unable to feed themselves even when they are hungry. It can be hard to understand and relate to a person with ARFID’s lack of interest in eating or fears that arise around certain foods. Many times caregivers find themselves accommodating meal times by cooking specifically for their person with ARFID or having to plan out exactly what foods will be available to eat when away from the home. 

How Do You Support The Person You Love As They Are Trying To Recover From ARFID?

Offer Validation

First off, validation. The recovery process can be really hard. For many people with ARFID doing food exposures is an important element of treatment.  This means they are trying foods that they have been terrified of eating or practicing eating to prove their fears are not coming to fruition. It is a scary process to face these fears. They may feel anxious and overwhelmed. Let them know that what they are feeling is real. Validate their feelings. Acknowledge how tough this must be for them, and share that you believe they can do it. 

Have Patience

Second, have patience. ARFID is often seen in children but can last well into adulthood. Many of my own clients have been restrictive eaters since they were babies and toddlers. For years families have found ways to feed them. That often involved negotiating what they would eat and sticking to these safe foods. You may have found yourself making separate meals for your family member. Maybe you avoided going to certain restaurants because you knew there were no food options for them to eat.

As your loved one begins to do exposure work with foods it will take time for them to become more comfortable. You may want to say, “Just eat” or get frustrated by their continued refusal. Remember that expanding their food variety is a slow process. Pressure and anger are not helpful. In fact, they may be shaming. Encourage your loved one to practice trying new foods every day. Remind them the more they practice the easier this will become.

Allow Them Agency

The third thing that is helpful is allowing them to have agency when it comes to their food choices. People are more likely to try foods that they are interested in versus feeling compelled to eat a food when they do not want to or are not willing to try it. The process can feel less intimidating. As a parent, you may find yourself in less of a power struggle with your child if in the past they have held up strong resistance to tasting new foods.

Get Education and Support For Yourself

Fourth is education and support. It can be very powerful to learn about ARFID and its symptoms. It may also be helpful to reach out to other caregivers who have gone through this process. Many parents feel helpless when their child refuses to eat. Having support from a therapist, support group, and medical providers can feel empowering and also help relieve some of the burdens you may be placing on yourself. We provide a monthly support group for caregivers of people with ARFID.

Learn more about helping a child with ARFID to eat.

If you are a friend of someone with ARFID, learn how to support them during and outside of meals.

If your loved one has a phobia of vomiting, you can learn more about supporting them with that phobia.

Learn more about how to help someone with an eating disorder.

Learn About Diet Culture

Fifth is learning about diet culture and not making judgments about the preferred food choices of your person with ARFID.

If you or someone you know is struggling to eat due to aversions or fears there is help available. Checking in with your medical professional first can be a good place to find out if your loved one is under-weight, has deficiencies from lack of nutrition, or is experiencing any other health complications. At Eating Disorder Therapy LA, I  and other therapists have been trained in helping people with ARFID recover. There is hope–and recovery from this diagnosis is very possible.

Get Help For Your Or Your Loved One’s ARFID in California

We provide individual and family counseling for teens and adults with ARFID.  We offer a monthly support group for parents of people 10 to 20 with ARFID in any location. As well we have a FREE virtual adult ARFID support group for people in California.

About the Author

Carolyn Comas, LCSW, CEDS-S is the clinical supervisor and a therapist at Eating Disorder Therapy LA. She is a certified eating disorder specialist and supervisor and supervises and trains other staff members. Carolyn is also the Certification Chair for the Los Angeles IAEDP chapter. Carolyn is passionate about helping people who struggle with their relationship with food, body image, and self. She utilizes Cognitive Behavioral Therapy while also incorporating Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. Carolyn is also a strong advocate for Health at Every Size (R) and loves to work with people and families who experience ARFID.