ARFID and Holidays: Strategies for Managing Eating Challenges

The holidays are supposed to be joyous occasions where families gather and eat together. But these two particular elements combined—family and food—can be extremely challenging for adults with Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder (ARFID). If you are an adult who has ARFID you may struggle with eating enough overall and or with variety. You may struggle with unfamiliar foods and eating around others and feel pressure to eat or try foods that others have prepared. On top of that, there can be more noise and different smells leading to sensory overwhelm. Holidays may feel more like an unpleasant burden.

Understanding ARFID

People with ARFID often have trouble eating sufficiently or in adequate variety for one or more of the three following reasons:

• A sensitivity to tastes and textures that drives them to eat a narrow range of foods;
• A low appetite level that leads to premature feelings of fullness; or
• A fear of negative consequences following eating, such as vomiting, choking, allergic reaction, or GI distress.

ARFID can negatively impact your health and daily functioning. You may experience both malnutrition and stress at meals. Social situations involving food may provoke anxiety. You may feel self-conscious and ashamed about your eating. And given our health-conscious society, others may judge and shame your food choices, validating your concerns.

Strategies for Managing ARFID and Holidays

Whether to Share About ARFID

You may be unsure whether to disclose your ARFID to family and friends. Of course, you don’t have to—and even if you do, people may not understand or may not be empathic. And remember you don’t need to delve into the details.  Feel free to share the simplest explanation that works—even if it’s a modification of the truth. Many people with ARFID find it easier to say they have “food allergies” or “eating intolerances.” If your audience has not heard of ARFID or is not receptive to learning more, it can help to stick to considerations with which they may be more familiar.

If you do decide to discuss your ARFID, having a few prepared statements can help. Something like, “I have ARFID. It’s an eating disorder in which I struggle to eat, but not because of the reasons that people with other eating disorders struggle. It’s because

• “I am very sensitive to tastes and textures”, or
• “I don’t get normal hunger signals and get full easily”, or
• “I get anxious about things happening after eating”, or
• or any combination of the above based on your personal experience of ARFID.

You might also want to share that you’re working on it, or getting help for it.

Ensuring You Can Eat

It’s important that you continue to eat regularly, so if you will be at an event where preferred foods may be limited or the setting might be too overstimulating to eat, consider some options. You can always eat before or after the official holiday meal. If you’re invited to a potluck, consider bringing a food you can eat as your contribution. You can also just bring something for yourself. If your host asks whether they can make or get something for you, consider taking them up on it if you feel comfortable doing so.

Managing Food Pushers

Of course, you should never feel obligated to eat or try any food that makes you uncomfortable. You can politely decline food offers with a “no thank you.” You can also say you’re having GI distress as long as you don’t give others the impression you have something contagious. You can also accept some food and push it around on your plate, eat the sides, or have snacks.

It’s also okay to refuse food. You are not obligated to accept food that others have prepared, and there’s no reason to feel any guilt about that.

Enlist Your Supports

If you have a supportive person who will be with you for the holiday meal, speak to them ahead of time about ways in which they can support you during the meal. For example, maybe they can discretely eat the unwanted things off your plate, deflect if the conversation turns to your eating, or even just respond encouragingly with their eyes when you signal them. If you do not have a support person with you at the meal, consider whether there is someone you can text for support or call for some commiseration afterward.

Consider Distractions

Bring fidget toys or identify some distractions you can use such as texting, or puzzles on your phone. If there are children present you can offer to watch them while the others eat.

Scheduling Quality Time Outside of Meals

If you can arrange it, schedule some quality time with your people of choice outside of meals. Maybe go play miniature golf, see a movie, or play a game with the people you wish to spend time with. You may be better able to connect if the situation is not focused on food.

If You Are Hosting a Person With ARFID

If you are hosting someone with ARFID—or other type of selective eating—over the holidays, here are a few tips:

• Ask the person in your life with ARFID whether there is anything you can do to support them.
• Be respectful of others’ eating differences. No one should be forced or expected to eat certain foods.
• Let them know the menu ahead of time; offer to make or get something that meets their needs if you can; or let them bring something for themselves or to share.
• Don’t pressure them to eat anything; don’t express disappointment that they are not eating something. Do not make them feel guilty.
• Don’t focus attention on what they are eating, or not eating. Further, don’t seek your own entertainment by asking questions about what they do or don’t eat.
• Don’t feel insulted if they don’t eat foods you’ve prepared—even if you got something especially for them. It’s not about you.
• Don’t shame them for their food choices.

Learn more about support a friend with ARFID.

Self-Compassion and Positivity

ARFID and holidays can be challenging. Try to set reasonable expectations and give yourself credit just for showing up–if you did. And if you opted out, that’s okay too. Be proud of prioritizing your self-care. And, while it’s hard, try to focus on identifying anything positive about the holiday experience. Look for things that went well, people you enjoyed seeing, maybe even something you ate that you enjoyed. Try to savor any good aspects.

Get Help for ARFID in California

If you are struggling with ARFID, our experienced eating disorder therapists can help. We provide individual and family-based therapy for ARFID as well as a FREE ARFID Support Group Over Zoom. Contact us to get started or to learn more.