Easing Grief Through Connection (Coping Strategy for the Holidays)

By Carolyn Comas, LCSW, CEDS-S

Grief can be complicated and a painful process. This holiday season many of us are experiencing the loss of the past year we were supposed to have. For those who have lost someone special, this can compound the difficulty of this year’s holiday season. 2020 has not been easy for many of us and finding joy during the holiday season may feel challenging.

Finding Connections

Many years ago when I was first starting out as a therapist I was seeing a client for grief counseling. This client shared with me something I had never heard about. They discussed that when you find a dime it is a sign the person you’ve lost is reaching out to you. It is a sign they are with you. This client told me how they had been finding dimes all over the place. That evening, after having met with that client as I was packing up to go home, I looked down at my chair and noticed a dime.

This concept was not lost on me until years later after my own mother died. I would find dimes all the time and keep each one that I found. In a grief support group that I was in many of the group members shared about the signs, they received from their loved ones. Some talked about coins they found, some said it was a certain type of bird they’d see, and for others, a certain song came on the radio. What I learned was that it did not really matter what the thing was but how that thing we found kept us connected to the person we love. It brought comfort. It brought peace. Finally, It brought healing.

Connecting to My Mother

Connection through grief [Image description: purple carousel horses] representing connection to someone in grief counseling — Dall.e

It is okay if you are not spiritual or religious. A sign doesn’t have to signify anything more than a memory or a feeling of connection to that person. Right before Thanksgiving this year my brother sent me a picture of a sweater he saw at a yard sale. It was adorned with carousel horses. My mother was obsessed with and collected all types of carousel horses. At that instant I had goosebumps. “She’s with you,” I said. And he agreed. “I feel it,” he said. “It is nice to think she is here with me.”

Coincidentally, my mom also collected dimes that she found as she believed they were messages from relatives and friends she had lost in her life. I didn’t know this until my dad told me after I shared with him about my new coin collection. Knowing this was something my mom also did make finding a shiny dime even more special. It really makes me feel like she is with me.

Losing someone you love can be difficult. Finding ways to stay connected through a sign is one way to ease the pain and bring comfort to your aching heart. During this holiday season, if you are struggling with the loss of a loved one think about something that connects you to them. Is there a holiday tradition you use to do together or a song you both sang? Maybe there was a food that was enjoyed together that you could make now. Whatever it may be, know that this could potentially help with healing from the loss you feel during this holiday time or during any time of the year.

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